The new Chocolate Covered Pretzel Oreos taste like chocolate frosting sandwiched between two saltine crackers.
I get the idea. They wanted to go for the salty-sweet crunch that makes a chocolate pretzel so good. Instead, we got a disjointed jumble of flavors that tasted like something I’d throw together at 3 a.m. when rampaging through my pantry.
This was a high bar for Oreo to hit as a flavor concept. Unfortunately, it stuck the landing about as well as a walrus in a leotard trying for the uneven bars.
Chocolate Covered Pretzel Oreo | Review
I like the idea. But the way Oreo pulled it off was doomed from the start. They got the whole concept backward.
This is a pretzel-flavored cookie that’s topped with bits of salt. The inside is a standard chocolate creme.
It would be more accurate to call this a “pretzel-covered chocolate” Oreo. Just read that phrase one more time. Just by switching two of those words around, it now sounds 85% worse.
The reason chocolate-covered pretzels are awesome is because the chocolate is on the outside. That way, you get all the flavor of the chocolate and the crunchy texture of the pretzel, plus a little saltiness and bready flavor.
This Oreo has all the flavor of the pretzel combined with the eerie squish of a sandwich cookie when you bite down.
What does it taste like?
I got big waves of “saltine cracker” and “fudge” when I bit down.
That saltiness really stands out because of the chunks of sea salt in the cookie. At first, you get weirdly uninspiring flashes of flavor that are catapulted by the sea salt. It’s like watching fireworks that only make brown wisps of smoke. The spectacle is interesting, but it’s truly bizarre fanfare.
The chocolate takes a backseat to the pretzel cookie, coming out in little fudgy waves as you chew. In theory, it should be fun to mix with the salty and sweet flavors. But the whole thing is disjointed.
Once the chocolate was gone, all I was left with was a lingering aftertaste that reminded me of saltine crackers.
Are these any good?
Not really. These Oreos are kinda like the opposite of Animal Crackers.
As the completely accurate 1998 documentary “Armageddon” taught us, Animal Crackers shouldn’t actually qualify as crackers.
In this case, the outer Oreo shell consists of two crackers pretending to be cookies.
Michael Bay needs to make another movie with Ben Affleck arguing the semantics of old snacks before going into space to save the world.
Hopefully, no one gets space dementia like Steve Buscemi did. In that case, we’ll have to bust out the Space Dunk Oreos.
Updated All-Time Oreo Rankings
I’m adding this Oreo to my ongoing rankings, which have been in the works since 2014. These are a bit of a disappointment, so I have them at No. 79.
As always, these rankings are not scientific, but they are correct:
97. Banana Split Oreo
96. Cookie Dough Oreo
95. Cherry Cola Oreo
94. Berry Oreo
93. Limeade Oreo
92. Apple Pie Oreo
91. Reduced Fat Oreo
90. Oreo Thins Piña Colada
89. Oreo Thins Irish Creme
88. Caramel Apple Oreo
87. Key Lime Pie Oreo
86. Fruit Punch Oreo
85. Oreo Thins Pistachio
84. Hot & Spicy Cinnamon Oreo
83. Sour Patch Kids Oreo
82. Gluten-Free Golden Oreo
81. Pumpkin Spice Oreo (2014 version)
80. Mystery Oreo (AKA Fruity Crisp)
79. Chocolate Covered Pretzel Oreo
78. Caramel Coconut Oreo
77. PB&J Oreo
76. Oreo Bites Fudge Dipped Mint Creme
75. Lemon Oreo
74. Oreo Thins Tiramisu
73. Toffee Crunch Oreos
72. Oreo Thins Salted Caramel
71. Coca-Cola Oreo
70. Oreo Thins Lemon
69. Fudge-Covered Oreo
68. Cookies & Creme Oreo
67. Chocolate Creme Oreo (Golden)
66. Salted Caramel Brownie Oreo
65. Post Malone Oreo
64. Oreo Thins Coconut
63. Snickerdoodle Oreo
62. Peppermint Bark Oreos
61. Peeps Oreo
60. Golden Oreo
59. Oreo Thins (Golden)
58. Golden Double Stuf Oreo
57. Neapolitan Oreo
56. Blueberry Pie Oreo
55. Oreo Thins Extra Stuf
54. Jelly Donut Oreo
53. Kettle Corn Oreo
52. Pumpkin Spice Oreo (2022 Version)
51. Chocolate Hazelnut Oreo
50. Oreo Mini
49. Oreo Bites Fudge Dipped Original
48. Oreo Mini Golden
47. Caramel Mocha Latte Oreo
46. Java Chip Oreo
45. Dunkin’ Donuts Mocha Oreo
44. Peanut Butter Creme Oreo
43. Peanut Butter Cup Oreo
42. Chocolate Peanut Butter Pie
41. Oreo Loaded
40. Chocolate Creme Oreo
39. Dark Chocolate Oreo
38. Rocky Road Trip Oreo
37. Black & White Cookie Oreo
36. Most Oreo Oreo
35. Mega Stuf Oreo (Vanilla Cookie)
34. Oreo Bites Fudge Dipped Coconut
33. Star Wars Oreo
32. Space Dunk Oreo
31. Gingerbread Oreo
30. Carrot Cake Oreo
29. Cotton Candy Oreo
28. Mint Creme Oreo
27. Most Stuf Oreo
26. Ultimate Chocolate Oreo
25. Oreo Thins Dark Chocolate
24. Moon Oreos
23. Fireworks Oreo
22. Birthday Cake (Chocolate Cookie) Oreo
21. Triple Double Oreo
20. Maple Syrup Oreo
19. Mystery Oreo (2019 Edition, AKA Churro)
18. Red Velvet Oreo
17. Cinnamon Bun Oreo
16. Oreo Thins (Chocolate)
15. Cookie Butter Oreo
14. Oreo Thins (Mint)
13. Chocolate Marshmallow Oreo
12. Dirt Cake Oreo
11. Blackout Cake Oreo
10. Mega Stuf Oreo
Tied 8. Double Stuf Gluten-Free Oreo
8. Double Stuf Oreo
7. Oreo Thins
Tied-5. Gluten-Free Oreo
5. Oreo
4. Hot Cocoa Oreo
3. Golden Birthday Cake Oreo
2. Marshmallow Krispy Creme Oreo
1. S’mores Oreo
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“I ate it so you don’t have to” is a regular food column about off-beat eats, both good and bad. I picked the name years ago and now we’re sort of stuck with it.
You can send any praise/food suggestions to [email protected]. Please send all criticisms and complaints about the inaccuracies of the film “Armageddon” to [email protected]. You can check out the rest of the series here.
