Dear Abby: My husband and I have been married 33 years, but the last 10 years have been extremely difficult. His attitude and selfishness during that time led me to strongly resent him.
He’s now telling me he has changed and things will be different, that I am important to him and he will consider my thoughts, feelings, wants, and needs going forward. The problem I’m having is, he didn’t decide this until I finally had enough and moved out.
How do I decide what is best for me? I love him, and at his core, he is a good person, but sometimes I feel like there’s too much water under the bridge.
—Just Not Sure in Illinois
Dear Just Not Sure: For a leopard to change his spots takes effort. It doesn’t happen overnight. Do not go back to your husband before the two of you have had counseling with a licensed marriage and family therapist for one year. If, after that, he has proven that he’s capable of change, you can decide then whether there has been too much water under the bridge or you feel safe living with him again.
Dear Abby: I had an accident and have been in a walking boot for a few weeks with several more to go. This has happened before, unfortunately. I am regularly annoyed by strangers who feel compelled to comment about the boot — “Oh, did you kick someone?” or “Hey, what happened?” I don’t think I owe a stranger an explanation of the state of my body. It’s none of their business.
First, please remind your readers that this behavior is intrusive and rude. Second, what is an appropriate response to these insensitive people? I have gone from light jokes — “You should have seen the sidewalk when I got through with it!” — to ignoring them. Nothing seems to shut it down.
—Hobbled in Georgia
Dear Hobbled: If you think you’re alone in being subjected to this annoyance, think again. People are curious, and some have little or no filter. None of them are actively trying to be offensive. Because nothing seems to shut it down, hang on to your sense of humor. Your light joke is upbeat and clever. My advice is to stick to it.
Dear Abby: My wife and I are staying with my in-laws while our house undergoes renovations. It’s day three now, and I heard my father-in-law sneak another woman into the basement last night while everyone was asleep. Do I say something and risk getting kicked out or starting a family war? (He’s the sole earner, and it’s his house.) Or do I bite my tongue and keep this information to myself?
—Saw Too Much
Dear Saw Too Much: Although you may have heard it, you didn’t actually see anything. Chalk it up to having had a nightmare and remain silent, at least until you are out from under your in-laws’ roof.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O.Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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