Dear Abby: I have a full-time job and am in pretty good health. I have one son, “Brian,” who is married and has three children. My problem is that my son is often rude to me. I was a single mom who raised him on my own. I thought I was a pretty good mother. His wife is super sensitive to any comment I make and finds fault with almost anything I do. They spend a lot of time with her family and exclude me.
If I make a comment about Brian’s wife, he gets mad and calls me hateful or rude. I have been good to both of them, helping in any way I can, yet they do not take that into consideration. Brian and I get into arguments over this. Sometimes I have gone overboard and told him he needs to figure out what his problem is with me. He never tells me why he behaves like this. They don’t visit me or bring the children over. They say they are busy, but they always find time to visit her family, their cousins, etc.
Must I give up on having any kind of relationship with them? I love my son and would like to be a part of his life, but I don’t think I should accept him being critical of me all the time no matter what I do. If I try to talk objectively with his wife, she says I’m trying to start something. Please help.
—Heartbroken in Georgia
Dear Heartbroken: I’ll try. Assume control of your life and quit looking for crumbs from your son and his wife! Doing otherwise has brought you only pain and disappointment. Recognize that however you raised your son, you did the best you could under difficult circumstances.
Your daughter-in-law seems to have taken control of your son, and he has allowed it. Sadly, it’s not unusual. When you see or talk to them, exchange nothing but pleasantries. Concentrate your energies on your friendships and other aspects of your life. This may save you from additional grief and be more rewarding than continuing to hit your head against a brick wall.
Dear Abby: I am a 14-year-old girl. There are some mean girls at school. When I talk to them, they say mean things. I don’t have a good comeback, so I just stand there doing nothing. I need some good tips. I keep telling adults, but the girls keep doing it. How can I make them stop for good, and do you have some comebacks I can use?
—Speechless in Idaho
Dear Speechless: There is no way to force a bully to stop. This ugly behavior is who those girls are. I don’t recommend trying to beat them at their own cruel game by competing on their level, because if you do, they will win. Instead of approaching them and giving them the opportunity to say mean things to you, consider trying to make friends with other girls—girls who might like to be friends with you too.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O.Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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