DEAR ABBY: I am recently divorced after a 37-year marriage. My boyfriend, “Grant,” has been divorced for a long time. He is a lovely man — honest, intelligent, healthy, helpful, neat and a great communicator. Our physical relationship is wonderful, too.
My problem? Grant has two small dogs that sleep in bed with him. They have since they were puppies. They are 11 and 13 years old now. I have a large dog that sleeps in his bed on the floor and is not allowed on any furniture. He doesn’t shed. The dogs all get along fine.
I slept in Grant’s bed once when his dogs were at the kennel and was grossed out by the dog hair on the sheets, comforter, etc., even after the sheets had been washed.
Having dogs in the bed would disrupt my sleep, so if I spend the night, I sleep in Grant’s guest room. (He doesn’t think it’s fair to disrupt his “kids’” sleeping arrangements after all these years.) I’d much rather fall asleep and wake up next to him, but this happens only on vacations away from home.
I’m tired of sleeping apart but don’t feel like giving any ultimatums. Is he right to not want to disrupt the dogs’ sleeping habits to accommodate me once or twice a week?
— SLEEPING SOLO IN OREGON
DEAR SLEEPING SOLO: I think your boyfriend is right. Because Grant has habituated his dogs to sleeping in his bed (not to mention that the bed is filthy), I don’t think it would be practical to disrupt them at this stage of their lives. On the nights you’re at his place, it might make more sense for Grant to spend the night in the guest room with you until his sleeping buddies cross the rainbow bridge.
DEAR ABBY: A few years ago, I became acquainted with a Catholic priest after he hired me to give him conversation lessons. (He was visiting from another country; English is not his first language.) We hit it off and found we had a lot in common. After the lessons ended, we stayed in touch.
Not long after that, he returned to his home country. Since then, we have emailed and texted regularly, and video-chatted over the holidays. I love my friendship with him, and he seems to feel the same way.
To be honest, though, I have a bit of a crush on him. I was hoping it would fade, but it hasn’t. I feel somewhat guilty about it and wonder if I am being dishonest by not telling him. Should I say something and risk having the friendship (which I really enjoy) end? Or is it OK to keep these kinds of secrets?
— CRUSHING ON THE COAST
DEAR CRUSHING: As long as your “bit of a crush” doesn’t have a negative impact on the rest of your life, I see no reason to burden the priest with this secret. However, if it causes a disruption in the relationships you have (i.e., with a husband or boyfriend), then speak up and be prepared for the relationship to slow down, if not end.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O.Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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