Dear Eric: I am in a predicament with my older sister. My mother passed away a few years ago, before getting her assets in order. This resulted in my sister gaining access to the majority of my mother’s assets. My sister has lived in the family home for much of her life, most recently since 2010. She feels it is hers, but she has never had a career and has been supported throughout her life. She expects me to support her, and while she’s been nice to me lately, she can be abusive and manipulative.
I am recently divorced and hope to stay away from abusive family dynamics and also hope to remarry in the future. I feel that my sister would sabotage my life, health and future in a new relationship, should I find one. I also can’t support her and myself. Lastly, she wants me to have a baby with IVF and raise the baby with her, in a cult she is a part of. I just want to run.
—Sister Obligation
Dear Sister: Lace up your running shoes and get going. A healthy relationship with your sister is possible, but it’s going to require internal guardrails that you’re diligent about maintaining. Physical distance, at least for a period, will help.
Please consult with an estate attorney regarding the disposition of your mother’s assets. It may not be too late for a fairer distribution. But with regard to everything else—the house, the baby (?!), the cult—do the 100-meter dash. It sounds like you’ve fallen into unhealthy patterns with regard to your relationship with your sister, many of which may not be your fault. Getting some distance and talking to professionals—a lawyer and a counselor, to start—will help you get one of the greatest inheritances: healthy perspective.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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