Dear Abby: I haven’t had a holiday with my grown daughter, “Charly,” since she left the state 12 years ago. When she came out as a lesbian, I wasn’t very accepting and didn’t handle it well. I have since apologized.
Charly and her partner refuse to visit here unless I allow them to share the same bed in my house. I say they can’t tell me what to do in my own home, just as I can’t tell them what to do in theirs. I stayed with them once, and they slept in the same bed. Now they no longer invite me to stay there. Charly told me her partner is uncomfortable with anyone staying there.
I haven’t spoken to my daughter about their relationship in many years. My heart is broken. I don’t get any holidays with them, but her partner’s parents are there every year and live in the next neighborhood. I don’t understand. Any suggestions?
—Missing Her in Texas
Dear Missing Her: I do have one. If the three of you can decide to be civil with each other during a visit, tell your daughter you would be willing to stay in a hotel while you’re there. Frankly, it might be more comfortable for everyone if they agree to it.
I was married for 19 years. We are divorced and have no contact. Divorce was a good choice. Now, two years later, I am in love with a new man whom I’ll call “Grayson.” We have been together for four months, and things are going really well.
Grayson is gentle and loving in every respect. He’s the only man who has never raised his hand to me. We do a lot together and never argue. We both work. We have talked about marriage. I have met his family, and I was easily accepted. Is this fate, destiny, and should I say yes?
—Struggling with Loving a Man
Dear Struggling: Because you have a history of choosing men who have “raised a hand to you,” let me advise you that you and Grayson are in the honeymoon phase of your relationship. It’s a little early to be talking about marriage. Whether this is fate or destiny, I can’t opine. As to whether you should say yes, assuming he has proposed, you would be wise to have a long engagement to be absolutely sure that gentle, loving Grayson is exactly who he seems to be.
I had been developing feelings for my co-worker/boss. I believed those feelings may have been reciprocated. Then, I was fired because of a conflict with another co-worker. This happened more than a month ago. I still think about the guy from time to time. I would like to reach out and let him know, without it being embarrassing or seeming creepy, but I’m not sure how. I really care about him.
—Former Employee in Connecticut
Dear Former Employee: If your feelings for your former boss had been reciprocated, he would be reaching out to you, which hasn’t happened. That said, if you’d like another conversation with him, contact him and ask if he’s willing to be a job reference if he’s contacted by any prospective employers.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O.Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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