Dear Eric: I’m friends with a pair of sisters, but closer with one than the other. Recently I invited them to a weekend getaway, where we were to be treated to a private chef’s dinner. Less Close Sister immediately announced that she’s “avoiding gluten,” which obviously complicated our menu. On the drive up, she recounted her “cheat night” with plenty of gluten the evening before, and happily consumed a (gluten-containing) lunch. I know there’s no right way to say, “your dietary needs seem to only pop up when you can be an inconvenience/pain in the butt,” but I’m really soured on traveling with her again, although I like her. Suggestions?
– Gluten-tolerant
Dear Gluten-tolerant: The easiest solution is just not to have a private chef’s dinner, or, to let the chef figure out what to cook to meet everyone’s dietary needs. Isn’t that the chef’s job anyway?
It’s quite a leap to go from putting together a private dinner to swearing off traveling with this person again. Sometimes, when our opinions about people change, any little thing they do can become a point of annoyance. I wonder if that might be happening here. Something to consider.
Dear Eric: “Carpooling” wants to be reimbursed for gas for a 30-mile round-trip journey to pick up a friend’s disabled son from the bus stop. The request from the “dear friend” doesn’t happen very often. My two cents are this: Losing or even offending a “dear friend” isn’t worth any price, let alone the price of a few gallons of gas ($10 or less). True friends grant favor requests, when possible, and usually without expecting anything in return. If it becomes a regular request, then definitely broach the subject, but a rare request is truly a “favor,” and granting favors has a way of coming back to you. Instead, “Carpooling” could think of this favor as a meal she might take to her friend if she were sick (and would likely spend more than $10 in that case).
– Dear Friends are Priceless
Dear Priceless: Ten dollars is not the same everywhere nor is it the same to every budget. The letter writer isn’t just complaining; the letter states that the frequency of the requests, combined with the amount, created a financial hardship. It’s important to remember that everyone’s finances are different and one person’s easy favor is another person’s stretch. The pricelessness of dear friends goes both ways; if I had a dear friend whose load I could lighten by covering the price of gas, I’d leap at the opportunity to do so.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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