Dear Abby: My fiancée and I have been arguing almost every day. We have been verbally and emotionally hurting each other. I love her very much, but she has a severe alcohol disorder, and I want her to stop drinking. She keeps begging me for money whenever she runs out of her own. She wants me to buy her more alcohol, but I refuse. She has been mean and abusive to the people she loves, including me.
I suffer from anxiety and depression and see a therapist to deal with my mental health. My therapist suggested that my fiancée and I have couples counseling, but we are on a waiting list. I am also looking into attending Al-Anon meetings for support. I don’t know what else to do to save my relationship. Please help.
—Depressed in New York
Dear Depressed: Between you and your therapist, I’d say you have your ducks pretty well in a row. Because you and your alcoholic fiancée are wait-listed for couples counseling, start getting more of the emotional support you need by attending those Al-Anon meetings. Dealing with an angry, manipulative addict can be soul-crushing. Joining that community will give you insight and perspective.
Please remember that saving your relationship isn’t a solo effort. At some point, your fiancée must decide which to choose: her drinking or you. If she can’t give up the bottle, you may need to save yourself. I am glad you have a therapist.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O.Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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