Dear Abby: I have a roommate, “Don,” I have lived with for 11 years. At first, we were dating, but we broke up, and Don moved out for a year. We remained friends, and he moved back in to help me with rent and because he missed the cat. Our relationship has been strictly platonic for the last seven years.
What drives me nuts is when we get in a fight, he never fails to bring up my son, call him filthy names and tell me he is worthless. This started a year ago. My son doesn’t know Don does this. My son borrowed money from me (once) after his dad died three years ago, but he has paid it all back. He had some trouble with his business recently that Don read about on some Yelp reviews. He knows how much I love my son and that I would do anything for him. I suspect Don may be jealous, which is why he wants to hurt me.
My son is 44, and Don never sees him. My son sees me only every couple of months. Don’s attacks on my son are cruel and have nothing to do with our arguments. Sometimes, Don apologizes and says he won’t do it again, but he always does. It tears my heart out. I can’t decide what to do.
—Wounded in Washington
Dear Wounded: So Don has a mean streak and doesn’t fight fair. The next time he drags your son into one of your disagreements in order to hurt you, your response should be, “That’s it. GET OUT. Get out of here this minute!” If he is shocked, tell him that because the rent is more than you can swing alone, you have decided to downsize to something you can afford without him. If he promises not to do it again, remind him you have heard that before and you don’t plan on tolerating it again. Is his rental assistance worth the verbal abuse? Not in my book.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O.Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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