Dear Abby: My oldest sister has it in her head that since she’s home all week, she needs to go out every Sunday. She started calling me every Saturday to invite me to accompany her, which I did a few times.
In doing so, I realized she has mobility issues and the beginnings of dementia. She wants to go to these certain places where we would always go. Other friends and family members used to accompany her, but no longer do for liability reasons. Hence the reason she turned to me. Apparently, she refuses to accept her limitations.
My sister should use a walker and no longer be driving but does both. I am afraid and concerned. She keeps calling me every weekend, and I’ve already run out of excuses. I feel terrible about this and don’t know how to handle the situation. I desperately need some advice. She obviously doesn’t get the hints.
—Desperate Sis in California
Dear Desperate Sis,
Stop hinting. Talk to your other relatives about what to do if, as your sister’s dementia increases, someone has to take her car away. That she wants to get out of the house on weekends isn’t surprising, considering the fact that she’s cooped up there all week. Contact your nearest senior center and inquire about supervised activities for seniors and transportation options for people with disabilities.
Folks with memory issues also have been known to get on the highway intending to drive to Sacramento only to wind up in San Diego because they lost their sense of direction or misremembered their destination. If necessary, because your sister could be a danger to herself and others on the road, send a letter to the DMV.
Dear Abby: My best friend “Troy” and I hang out all the time. We do everything together, and people often mistake us for a couple. Troy wouldn’t correct people until I said something, but since then, I noticed how it started feeling more like a relationship.
We don’t hold hands or kiss, but he asks me what I’m doing, who I’m with and things like that when he’s not around.
Every time we’re on the phone we say “I love you” to each other before hanging up. I have feelings for him. He says he doesn’t have the same for me, but he’s the one who is making it feel like it’s a relationship. I have asked him to stop because it’s confusing, but it only lasts for a little bit before we are right back to it. I can’t tell if he wants a relationship but just not with me, or if he doesn’t know for sure how he feels about me. What can I do about this? Can you help?
—Mixed Up in Montana
Dear Mixed Up: You have made clear that you want a relationship with Troy. He has stated plainly that he doesn’t have romantic feelings for you. True, he enjoys your company and tells you he loves you, but he doesn’t hold hands or kiss you. Most importantly, he doesn’t say he is in love with you. Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do about this. If you are looking for a boyfriend, Troy is not it. You appear to be firmly in the friend zone. You have my sympathy.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O.Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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