Dear Annie: I’m a 66-year-old woman, married to my second husband for nearly 17 years. Like many couples, we’ve had our share of struggles—serious enough that we were close to separating. Wanting to save our marriage, I asked him to attend counseling with me, and to his credit, he agreed. We’ve been doing much better since then and have found more happiness together.
But recently, I uncovered something that has left me completely shaken. I found out he has been hiding a large sum of money from me—millions. On top of that, I learned he placed what I thought was “our” home into a trust seven years ago. He bought the house for us before we married, but we chose it together and lived in it for three years before our wedding. I’ve always seen it as ours.
This discovery has shattered my trust—both the trust we’ve rebuilt in counseling and the foundation I believed we had. He has no idea I know.
I want to handle this in a way that’s thoughtful and fair. Should I talk to our counselor privately first? Should I confront my husband before bringing it to therapy? Or do I bring it all out in the open with both of them at once?
—Heartbroken and Unsure
Dear Heartbroken and Unsure: You’ve already shown real courage—first by fighting for your marriage, and now by taking a moment to think before reacting to a deeply painful discovery. I can only imagine how shocked and hurt you must feel. This isn’t just about money or property. It’s about trust and the sense of partnership you believed you had.
Given the emotional weight of what you’ve learned, I encourage you to speak with your counselor privately first. This will give you space to sort through your feelings, ask questions and prepare for what may be a difficult conversation. It is important to approach this with a clear mind and a steady heart.
You deserve honesty in your marriage. A good first move would be to schedule that private session as soon as possible. Best of luck to you.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].
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