Dear Annie: I have been close friends with “Marianna” since high school, and we still see each other regularly. We always split the bill when we go out to eat. I don’t mind. But often I see at work (I work at a restaurant) that people will fight over the bill and offer to cover for whoever they’re dining with. Marianna never does this. Even on my birthday two months ago, she didn’t offer to pay for the bill. I felt like I shouldn’t have had to pay for my own birthday brunch. We went to a museum on my birthday, too, and she expected me to pay her back for the ticket. Am I being selfish and entitled? It really irks me. I don’t know what to say or do.
—Upset and Over It
Dear Upset and Over It: Maybe Marianna thinks you have an agreement that you’re both comfortable with. Fifty-fifty is fair, after all, although her treating on your birthday would be generous and appreciated. If you want to start a new pattern with her, why don’t you offer to treat one of these days? She’ll likely pick up the bill the next time; and if she doesn’t, then you can fall back on the fifty-fifty arrangement.
Dear Annie: I’ve been dating “Brian” for almost a year, and things have been good overall. He’s perfect in almost every way; the issue is with his dog. Brian has a large, energetic Labrador who he has really not bothered to train at all. He jumps on people, steals food off counters and barks constantly when we’re trying to relax. Brian thinks it’s funny and says, “That’s just how he is.”
When I bring it up, Brian gets defensive. He says I don’t understand because I’ve never had a dog. But I like dogs; I just think they need to be trained. I find myself not wanting to go over to his place anymore, which makes spending time together harder. It sounds like a small thing, but it’s really been wearing on me, and it makes me question what he will be like as a father if he can’t discipline his dog.
How do I talk to Brian without sounding like I’m a dog hater? I don’t want to be the bad guy, but this has become a real source of stress for me.
—Still Love Dogs
Dear Still Love Dogs: Training a dog isn’t just for your own peace of mind — it’s essential for the dog’s well-being and safety. You might have better luck getting through to Brian if you frame the conversation around what’s best for his dog, rather than what’s bothering you. Training helps build trust, improves behavior, and can prevent future problems. If he’s open to it, you could help by looking into local classes or sharing some simple training resources online to get started.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].
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