Dear Annie: After living in separate cities for most of our adult lives, my older sister moved just a couple of miles away from me a few years ago. One unexpected benefit of her being nearby is that we are often invited to join mutual friends and extended family for dinners out. Since I am financially able, I usually pick up the tab and do most of the driving, and I have been happy to do so.
Here is the issue: Every time we enter a restaurant, my sister rushes to grab the seat with the better view—usually the one facing the room or window—leaving me stuck staring at a wall. Every single time.
After months of this, I asked if we could alternate seats or at least take turns. She did not really respond, and despite asking more than once, nothing has changed. At this point, I am beginning to dread going out with her because this one-sided dynamic makes me feel invisible and taken for granted. The resentment is growing, and it is starting to damage our relationship.
Am I overreacting? Should I let it go and accept this as one of her quirks, or is it time to stop putting myself in a situation that makes me feel small?
—The Queen’s Jester
Dear Queen’s Jester: You are not overreacting. You’ve been generous with your time, your gas tank and your wallet. The least your sister can do is offer you a seat that doesn’t face the wallpaper.
This isn’t about who gets the “scenic” view; it’s about consideration. You’ve asked nicely, more than once, and she’s chosen to ignore you. That says a lot. Now it’s your turn to choose. Maybe let her treat you to dinner for once; she can sit wherever she likes while you admire the menu.
If someone insists on always having the royal seat, they shouldn’t expect you to keep playing the court jester.
Dear Annie: It’s been five years since I last spoke to my younger sister. We were never the picture-perfect siblings, but there was a time when we were close—inside jokes, late-night talks, supporting each other through breakups and heartbreaks. But as adults, something shifted. She became sharp-tongued, dismissive and increasingly hurtful. I often felt like I was walking on eggshells around her, trying to avoid the next jab or judgment.
The final straw came during a holiday gathering when she made a cutting comment about my marriage in front of the whole family. I was stunned and humiliated. When I tried to talk to her privately afterward, she laughed it off like I was being dramatic. That was the moment I realized I couldn’t keep putting myself in situations where I felt disrespected and unloved. I cut contact, blocked her number and stepped away from the relationship entirely.
At first, I felt relief. There was no more dread before family events or knots in my stomach after our conversations. I finally had peace. But over time, that peace has turned into something more complicated. I miss her—who she used to be, or maybe who I hoped she’d become. When I see sisters laughing together or posting birthday tributes online, I feel that old ache.
Now, mutual relatives are nudging me to reconnect. “Life’s too short,” they say. “Family is family.” But they didn’t see the way she tore me down. I’ve worked hard to heal, and I’m afraid that reopening this door could undo all of that.
How do I know if it’s time to try again—or if I’ve already made the right choice by walking away?
—Still Hurting, Still Hoping
Dear Still Hurting: You made a hard but necessary choice to protect your peace. That takes courage. Estrangement is painful, but so is staying in a relationship that consistently hurts you.
People say, “Life is short,” but it’s also too short to keep putting yourself in the path of someone who doesn’t treat you with respect. If your sister has truly changed, rebuilding would require accountability and sincere effort— not just a smile at the next holiday dinner.
As for forgiveness, it’s not the same as reconciliation. Forgiveness is something you do for your own heart, to let go of the anger and pain. It doesn’t mean you have to reopen the relationship.
If you ever choose to reach out, do it because you’re ready — not because others think you should. You’ve worked hard to find peace. Don’t trade it away unless it’s truly worth it.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].
COPYRIGHT 2024 CREATORS.COM
